Unpacking The Emotion Best-Case Scenario! Love and Sex Should Always Go Hand-In-Hand

Part 2. Love more & Communicate with your inner self:

What stirred in you as you read that title? People tend to have strong feelings about the relationship between love and sex. Perhaps you’ve been taught that you should only have sex with someone you love, or perhaps you were taught that having sex with someone will make you fall in love with them (or make them fall in love with you).

One of my favorite spiritual teachers, Neale Donald Walsch, says, “There are only two energies at the core of the human experience: love and fear.” Our choices, including our sexual choices, can be guided by love or by fear. Sexual experiences guided by fear sound like: I will be rejected or abandoned if we don’t have sex. Sexual experiences fueled by love sound simply like this: Yes.

Learning to discern whether you are being guided by love or guided by fear can help you develop an entirely new relationship with your sexual self and personal life experiences. When you notice that fear is taking over your emotions and beginning to guide your decision making, holding a boundary authentically and apologetically is good for you. Sex fueled by obligation alone may solve the moment, but it creates the conditions for self-abandonment, resentment, and disconnection if you don't stay in check with yourself. When you feel clear that love is all you have, you can say yes in a way that is turned-on like a light switch, empowered, and joyful for evolving into the best version of yourself.

Let me share a story that captures this distinction between fear and love. I was writing late one night a couple years back when a guy I had been hooking up with texted me to meet up. My reaction was that if he was reaching out, I needed to meet up. But just as I was getting ready to respond to his text, I caught a glimpse of my old self and patterns, sitting on my floor, and I remembered the relational self-awareness practice of giving yourself permission to pause and check in with yourself before making a decision. Instead of responding to his text right away, I closed my eyes and thought about the value and the respect I have for myself and if he had felt the same.

After my stroke, I became a fraction of my former self. Much like an antique book whose binding has deteriorated, I felt chapters of my life floating away. The stitching slowly came apart leaving only the cover of a story that no longer existed. I was unraveling and insecure, wanting my support to reappear and make me whole once again. I had lost my intimacy.

“Deeply knowing another person and feeling deeply known.” It’s the understanding of what makes someone else tick and have trust and core value. Complete comprehension of mind, body, and soul, it’s the comfort of someone profoundly perceiving and loving you daily. One of the most basic of all human cravings and, more often than not, the one most difficult to achieve.

Many would define intimacy as having sex. So much so, it has become a euphemism for the act itself. Stating “We’ve been intimate,” is a much more way of stating “We banged each other’s brains out.” But there is a world of difference between carnal lust and sexual intimacy. One is purely physical, often forgotten over time. The other is an unadulterated connection that imprints and deepens the relationship.

“You cannot live with expectations because life has no obligation to fulfill your desires. You can live with an open heart, but you cannot live with expectations.” ~Osho

Question to ask yourself when you feel stuck: How does one love deeply, completely, while practicing detachment?

This Is something I still struggle with at times, I struggle to give my heart fully while still remaining unattached to the outcome? I struggle allowing people to get close to me, I openly struggle with trust.

It's one thing to say, be detached; how does one practice this? And how can I remain detached?

My response for you is …

Read My book Beautifully Empowered: The gift of Gratitude chapter 8. The Gift of Attachment and you will have a better understanding of how your mind will work better when you allow yourself to be authentic.

When you are expressing your heartfelt emotions there shouldn’t be any mental editing or restriction even in the name of detachment. You should express the love in your heart exactly as you feel it and forget about detachment. The detachment is either there or it isn’t depending upon how awake your higher self. Detachment is the presence of your own state of mind or spontaneous self. Whatever inner wakefulness you have will be there to the degree you have already established. Remember you don’t do yourself or anyone favors by thinking of being anything other than yourself. So enjoy the physical intimacy of any relationship fully on its own terms and let your spiritual essence be there however it is.