The Journey of Presence & Expectations.

By Natasha Mochrie, Kelowna, BC

Letting go. Those words have a weight to them, don’t they? They often feel almost impossible to say, let alone actually do. If you’re anything like me, the thought of releasing something—or someone—you’ve lusted for and appreciated can stir up a flood of emotions. There’s a strange, almost paradoxical tension between the mind that knows it’s time to pause but the heart that begs you to stay in the presence, to hold on, to keep feeling that familiar warmth. Whether it’s a relationship, a past hurt, or even the loss of a beloved pet, the journey of letting go is rarely a straight path. But as difficult as it may be, the process of releasing and healing is one that can lead us to growth, transformation, and ultimately, peace. The feeling of calmness in the nervous system or when you can fall asleep soundly and feel great in the morning. 

Understanding the Need to Let Go

Love, Lust—whether it's romantic, familial, or even the friendships we hold dear—has this incredible ability to bring joy, but it can also bring pain. It can become confusing. We often find ourselves holding on to relationships or emotions that no longer serve us, whether that’s an unhealthy connection, unrequited love, or the weight of past trauma. For me, one of the hardest things about letting go is understanding why it's necessary. Why should I release something that I once thought was so important?

I’m a sucker for connection. I know that about myself. Living in a world where true, meaningful bonds seem increasingly rare, it's all too easy to cling to those relationships that offer comfort—even if, deep down, I know they might be doing more harm than good. And that’s the tricky part, isn’t it? When we hold on to things that are no longer beneficial, we actually stagnate emotionally. Research supports this, showing that staying in unfulfilling relationships can increase stress and lead to mental health struggles. But knowing all that doesn’t make it any easier to let go. I’m not immune to the pull of clinging tightly when something feels good. When I fall for someone, I tend to want to hold on for the ride, even if the destination is unclear.

But, over time, I’ve learned the hard way that change is inevitable. The more we cling to something, the harder it becomes to breathe, to grow, and to experience peace. That’s when I realize: letting go isn’t about saying goodbye forever. It’s about making space for something new—something healthier, something that will allow me to truly evolve. Maybe down the road if things align, only then you will know. We all know the universe has a strange way of bringing people together again.

The Emotional Weight of Holding On

There’s a heavy emotional toll that comes with holding on to something that’s no longer right for us in the present moment. Whether it’s a past relationship, unrealized dreams, or emotional baggage, the weight can feel unbearable. It often manifests as sadness, anger, bitterness, and anxiety. These feelings can become so all-consuming that they hold us hostage, preventing us from moving forward or sometimes seeing the other side of the story in one's life.

For me, the emotional weight of holding on hits hardest when I think about the way someone made me feel—the calmness in my nervous system when we were together, the peace that allowed me to fall asleep next to them. These are the moments I crave, the connections that make me feel seen, understood, and safe. But, I also know these feelings are tied to the past. As someone who’s been hurt before, I’ve built walls to protect myself. I hold back, afraid of being vulnerable again, afraid of feeling that deep pain. The thought of letting go and losing that sense of safety is frightening.

But here’s the truth I’ve come to accept: letting go doesn’t mean forgetting the good moments or erasing the significance of what we once had. It means acknowledging those feelings, processing the emotions, and ultimately freeing ourselves from the weight of the past.

Acknowledging and Processing Your Emotions

The first step in this process is to acknowledge your feelings without judgment. It’s okay to feel sad or hurt or even angry as you reflect on what’s been lost. The key is to give yourself permission to feel those emotions, not to bury them under the weight of what society might deem acceptable. Only by truly experiencing those emotions can we begin to heal. In the past I always held on too tight.

For me, journaling has been one of the most powerful tools in this phase. Writing allows me to pour out all the thoughts and emotions I’m carrying inside. It helps me understand why I’m holding on, what I’ve learned, and what I need to let go of. Journaling, I’ve realized, is a vital step in self-reflection. It’s not just about recording your thoughts, but about making sense of them, about finding the clarity to move forward.

But journaling alone isn’t enough. Sometimes, we need to speak the truth—not just to ourselves but to others. It’s hard, I know. We often seek validation or advice from others, but the ultimate decision is ours to make. And when we finally decide what is best for right now, it has to be authentic. It has to come from a place of self-truth. Only then can we move in a way of happiness.

Finding the Lessons in Letting Go

Letting go is so often associated with emptiness, and even failure. But here’s something I’ve learned: letting go doesn’t mean everything is wasted. In fact, every experience—every person we meet—leaves us with something valuable. If we take the time to reflect on what a relationship or experience has taught us, it can change our entire perspective.

Think about the lessons you’ve learned. In a past relationship, maybe you learned how to communicate better, how to set boundaries, or how to be more compassionate. These lessons are invaluable, and they’ll help you create healthier, more fulfilling relationships in the future.

I only started really reflecting on what I’d learned a few years ago, and it’s honestly made all the difference. I’ve learned to stop seeing people as mistakes or sources of regret. Instead, I see them as gifts—presents in my life that, for whatever reason, came into my world to teach me something important. Even in the hardest moments, there’s always something to learn. And yes, sometimes we take things for granted, but every person who enters our life leaves an imprint, and it’s up to us to choose how we perceive that imprint.

One of the most powerful steps in the process of being you is creating boundaries. Boundaries are your emotional shield, protecting you from further harm and giving you the space you need to heal. This can mean limiting contact with someone, distancing yourself from friends who are not on the same path as you.

For me, setting boundaries has been a crucial step in life. Past relationships, I learned to be more open with my emotions, even when it was uncomfortable. And while it wasn’t always easy, I learned that being honest and vulnerable with myself—and others—creates space for healing and growth.

Redirecting Your Energy Toward Self-Care

 Redirect your energy into self-care and personal growth. For me, this is the part where I focus on rediscovering my self-worth. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking self-care is just about taking a bubble bath or binge-watching Netflix. But true self-care is about engaging in activities that challenge you, that help you grow emotionally, mentally, and physically. It’s about reconnecting with who you are and who you want to become. Luckily I was taught to up my game with some workouts from a very insightful caring man.

A few years ago, I thought I was pretty good at self-care. But meeting someone who shared my values and activities made me realize that self-care also involves pushing yourself to grow. In a relationship where you’re both committed to building something meaningful, you challenge each other to be better versions of yourselves. It’s not about sitting back and being passive. It’s about engaging in life, together, and growing stronger along the way. Learning about each other takes time and I tend to move in fast pace mode thinking I'm limited with time still but I am not.

The moral of this blog is letting go is never easy. It's emotional, and at times, it feels like you’re walking through a storm without knowing when it will end. But here’s the truth I’ve come to understand: letting go is not about erasing the past—it’s about embracing the future. By releasing what no longer serves us, we open ourselves to new possibilities, new relationships, and a deeper connection with ourselves.

Letting go is an act of love—love for yourself, for your future, and for all the potential that lies ahead. It’s not about forgetting what was; it’s about learning from it and making the conscious decision to move forward with an open heart.

And that, to me, is the true power of being you.